i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
a search helicopter?!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
