are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
