shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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