Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
