Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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