I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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