fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
