How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
