My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
