Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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