I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
