Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
