I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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