this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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