FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
