How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
