I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
