yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
