i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
