Dude my mom stole all your condoms
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
