Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
