Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
