is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
