Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
