Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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