Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So many bounce houses so little time
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
