i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
