Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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