Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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