Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
