i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
