Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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