Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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