Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
