I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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