i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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