She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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