like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love accidental penises.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
