I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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