I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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