The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
