how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
