Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think your dad took our porno
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
