just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
