he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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