White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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