My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Found your dick twin last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
