I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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