you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
