I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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