Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
