awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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