the condom got lost in my hair
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
