Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
