Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
