did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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