remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
