I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
