my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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