Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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