wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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