My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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