soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
